First things first: I have to say a HUGE thank you to those of you who read my rant the other day, and especially those of you who left those amazingly encouraging comments. I love you guys. Really, each and every one. You make my heart happy. If you haven’t visited that post yet, check it out here and remember to read the comments. Not just because they say nice things about me , but also because it helps us struggling moms feel like we’re not alone.
(If you left one of those amazing comments, I commented back at that post. My website doesn’t arrange comments in nice “conversations,” so I tried to respond by name.)
One thing that came up in my little diatribe, and then in the comments, was how we have household rules regarding food (and “food”). Read the rest of this entry »
I have to start this by apologizing for another very personal and non-food post. I so appreciated the comments on my rant, and will respond soon, probably with another post because I really love that some dialogue has started. But today is my baby’s seventh birthday, and I’ve made it a tradition to write to her each year on the anniversary of the day she joined us on this side of my body.
Today you are seven. And like last year (and the year before, and the years before), I can’t imagine where the time has gone. The sometimes-long days sure do blend into very speedy years. Read the rest of this entry »
This morning, after getting my husband off to work, I climbed back into bed next to my youngest, Abigail, who will be seven next month. Like most mommies, I love looking at my children while they sleep. There are no requests, no complaints… just angelic faces and arms clutching cherished objects of affection.
Looking at Abi didn’t feel like enough this morning. Neither was lying next to her enough. I grabbed her hand, and she sleepily clutched mine back. I wrapped my other arm around her tiny, tiny waist and scooched her closer to me. I kissed her little face, and did not want to stop. I wanted to give her hard kisses, and squeeze her so, so tightly…
I wanted to press us together, bring her inside my body again. I wished for wings like a mama bird to cover her completely, or a secret hiding place like a mother koala.
Yes, I want to protect her from the world. From everything: from violence, from sickness, from sadness… All mothers want to do that for their children, because mothers are designed to do that.
Mothers are not designed to handle losing their children. And the kinship of motherhood makes it so that when one mother is forced to deal with that which is so unnatural, all of motherhood is affronted.
Does this seem like I’m trying to insert myself into this horrible tragedy? I don’t mean to… Like you, probably, I am just processing what has happened, thinking about what could possibly be done to help, and – quite honestly – being thankful that it isn’t me in the middle of this nightmare.
Back to this morning. I imagine this as the worst time for the grieving mothers of Newtown. If somehow, mercifully, they’ve found sleep, that first early morning waking must be the most painful. Where most of us remain in our sleepy stupor – maybe roll over or adjust our pillow – and drift right back off to sleep, they have to remember, realize and accept once again what life has now become: more lonely, more empty… never again the same.
I don’t know what a mother can do with the physical pain that must come; no relief comes from tucking your head, drawing your knees to your chest, clutching your heart… I don’t know what a mother can do with the rage that must follow; the perpetrator is gone, there’s nothing to be done. I don’t know what a mother can do if she has other children, as many surely do, who need her to function and go on.
What can a mother do with Christmas presents bought for a child who will never play again? What can she do if she remembers sharp words said during that last hurried morning? What can she do with a room full of dolls and teacups or legos and matchbox cars?
I don’t know. I just don’t know and so yes, my physical need for my little one this morning was because I want to protect her but was also because I want to protect me. I want to never, ever, ever have to figure out the answers that those mothers in Connecticut are having to learn.
When we learned of the shooting on Friday, I was texting with my two best friends. We were crying, and one said she kept starting to pray for the mothers – for comfort and peace – but she would stop because, well, it’s ridiculous. It’s not possible to be comforted. And yet we who are so helpless have found that this mystery of prayer is all we have to offer right now. And so we pray for something supernatural, something we cannot comprehend, for those mommies.
That’s where I am this morning. I’ve never been very good at conclusions, so I will leave it at that. Please share your non-political thoughts in the comments below. Being a mother is being part of high sisterhood, and we are all grieving together.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted, and saves those who are crushed in spirit. (Psalm 34:18, NASB)
Six years ago today I was waiting to be introduced to the most beautiful, clever, emotional and angelic little girl God ever created.
Although, waiting is much too passive a word; I was working quite hard, pushing and panting, trying to coax her into joining us on this side of my body. My dearest Abigail has had me working ever since.
There is just SO MUCH CANDY. And I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but candy is truly an enemy of our children’s health.
It’s even more unfortunate that it falls at a time when immune systems are already under attack. Seasons are changing, allergies abound, we’re receiving fewer hours of sunlight, and it’s the beginning of cold and flu season. Here are some tips for how we get through it at our house. Read the rest of this entry »
The biggest challenge to eating healthy, for many families, is not finding a local source for meat, or learning to soak grains, but trying to get the little ones on board, especially if it is a big change from how they had been eating. With my oldest, now almost 15 (What? Did I just say 15? Oh my word…), it was a challenge when we began eating healthier. He was about 5 when this all began, and to make matters harder, we went through a few different nutritional “theories” as we researched our way to where we are now. With my youngest, it is much easier, as she has been presented with healthy food all of her life. However, she is not immune to the influences of the world, and so it’s not always smooth sailing. Here are some great resources to help. Read the rest of this entry »
This post is not about food, or health, or non-toxic living. Please indulge me as I use this post to celebrate my five year old.
Abigail… was intelligent and beautiful in appearance. (1 Samuel 25:3)
Yesterday you turned five. You were asleep when it officially happened, and maybe by then I was, too. Read the rest of this entry »
Ugh! All that Halloween candy! Just sitting in a bowl, taunting you. ‘Have a hankering for a snack? I’m right here and it’d be so quick to unwrap me and pop me in your mouth… What’s the harm in one little peanut butter cup?’ It can be hard on even the most dedicated Real Foodie. And it’s even more tempting for your children. How can you prevent your kids from consuming all that garbage? (And I don’t mean gorging on it yourself Halloween night while your kids are asleep ).
First, let’s briefly discuss why this is so important. Is there really harm in having a little candy? It’s just once a year, and people have been celebrating Halloween for decades! Well, a lot has changed…